this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
