On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
