Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
