this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
