and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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