Non-Jews are for practice
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
