I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
