Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
