sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
