it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
