the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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