She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
