I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
