There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
