you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
