Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
