Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
