I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
