and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
