my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize