i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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