Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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