i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
