Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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