just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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