She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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