Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
