the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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