how can u be prego again
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
