please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
