i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
