Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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