it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
