Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
