I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
