yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pants are for mortals
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
