Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
