You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
