The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize