Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
