I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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