I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
