Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
