chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize