You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
