Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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