i need an iv and a liver transplant
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
