dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize