just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
