she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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