a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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