you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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