they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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