brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need to align my fucking chakras
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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