Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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