Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
