He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
