...so i touched it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
