Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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