Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
