in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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