We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
