I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
